I Found Jesus In The Bathroom At Work

This is in our bathroom at work, right in front of the toilet.  Nothing like trying to do your business with Jesus staring at you from next to the cross.  While I can see how it could cause some “stage fright,” I like to look at it as a reminder that no matter how crappy we are, Jesus is able and willing to wipe off all our crap and flush it away to a place where we will never have to deal with it again.

(If you don’t see it, look again.  It’s only the left side of His face.  From top to bottom, the white spots are: forehead, cheek/nose, lip, and shirt.  The empty spaces are his eye and mustache/beard.  If you still don’t see it then I don’t know what to tell you.)

Well This Is Awkward…

What do you do when you are in a new place and need to use the restroom, but when you get to the door you can’t figure out if it’s a multiple or single person facility?

Knocking is a good option if it turns out to be a single, but if it’s a multiple person restroom you look like a moron – especially to the people already inside.

You’d think that just trying to open the door would be an okay idea since most people tend to lock the door to a solo when they are using it.  Apparently not everyone grasps this concept though.  I have, on multiple occasions, walked in on someone who was in the middle of doing their business because they didn’t bother to lock the door.

Then comes the awkward semi-apology while staring at the floor and shutting the door as fast as humanly possible.  Maybe instead of closing the door we should leave it propped open as a sort of penalty.  Or would proper bathroom etiquette be to, if possible, lock the door for them before closing it?

Just one time I would like to walk in, give him a high five, and pull up a stool or trash can to sit on and attempt to strike up a conversation.

Whose fault is it when that happens anyway?  People always seem ticked off or annoyed when you walk in on them, but shouldn’t they be the one to apologize for not locking the door?  I think next time I will stand there and wait for an apology.

After one of these situations you can’t possibly stick around and wait for them to get done so you can use the restroom.  Talk about extremely awkward!  Especially if you made eye contact when you walked in and then you make eye contact when they walk out.  No thanks – I can hold it.

3…2…1…0

Sometimes while I am driving I will start counting down from 3 and when I get to 0 I either point, snap, or finger shoot at the clock and hope I timed it just right so the minute changes at that very moment.  I also do this with wall clocks, traffic lights, long stretches of silence on the radio, and numerous other times and places.  Most of the time the countdown doesn’t work or it takes several tries to get it timed right, but I feel super cool when it works on the first try.

First…Third…What About Second?

I often hear people talk about Third World countries.

I occasionally hear people talk about First World countries.

I don’t recall ever hearing anything about Second World countries.

Are there Second World countries?  Or are Third World countries just so bad that they aren’t considered just one step down from First World countries, so they created a whole new category for them two steps down?

Ashley’s First Snowman

This is our adopted Mississipian Ashley with his very first snowman.  This is from a while back, but today’s Spring snow reminded me of it.  It may not be a perfect snowman, but by golly he’s proud of it!  And we are proud of you ‘Shley!

Pump It Up

When I’m not stopping my total gas purchase on a number pattern, I like to try to let off the pump at a predetermined total.  I know that I can’t possibly be the only who does…in fact, if I had to guess I would say that about 92.6% of all gas pumpers have tried this at least once in their gas-pumping history.

A couple of warnings for anybody who has never done this and is considering giving it a try:

#1 – If you end up letting the pump go too long and overshoot it, you will end up paying more than you had intended.  This is not a game for anyone on a strict budget.

#2 – The higher the price of gas, the faster the numbers go.  Adjust accordingly and realize that when you overshoot it’s going to cost you.

My record for most consecutive perfect stops is 6.  Not a real high number, but it gives me a realistic goal to shoot for in the future.

Have I Really Reached You?

Why do people say on their voicemail/answering machine message “You have reached ______”?  That doesn’t seem like an accurate statement.  If I had reached you I wouldn’t have to leave a message.  In fact, I am leaving you a message because I couldn’t reach you.  You know what?  Forget it.  I’m not leaving a message.  I’ll just keep calling you over and over until I reach you.

Does Anybody Know What Time It Is?

If you ever see me looking down at my watch for an inordinate amount of time it’s probably not because I have somewhere important to be or because I have forgotten how to read time.  If you see me having a staring contest with my watch it’s probably because I am waiting to see a particular time and, being that each time only lasts for one second, I don’t want to risk missing it.  I guess technically each time happens twice a day, but I’m usually only awake for one of them.

I’m not entirely sure why, but I really like times that are all the same number (3:33:33, 4:44:44, etc.) and to a lesser extent, times that are made up of consecutive numbers (1:23:45, 4:32:10, etc.) and times that are made up of three two-digit numbers (10:10:10, 12:12:12, etc.).

What I am really looking forward to though is November 11, 2011 at 11:11:11.  That will be 11-11-11 11:11:11 – the most of any single number that you can possibly have in a row!  I realize it’s weird and a little pathetic, but I have been looking forward to it for several months already and am thinking about having a party to celebrate that once-in-a-lifetime day.  It’s on a Friday, so just let me know if you can’t make it to the AM version (totally understandable with work and all).  Whether the AM, PM, or both times – everyone is invited to join in the celebration!

Am I the only one who feels this way?  Any ideas for celebrating the big day?

Laugh, Laugh, And Laugh Some More

I think stand-up comedians have it made.  Think about it.  The majority of people in the audience are there because they have heard their material before and obviously liked it (why would you go see a comedian who you didn’t think was funny?).  Not only have they heard and liked what the comedian said on his CD or at another show, but they want him to say the exact same thing again because they think it’s funny.  So because they have heard it all before and liked it and it made them laugh, he knows that if he says the same thing they already heard and liked and laughed at before they will laugh at it again.

The really funny thing about all this is that even though some of the people in the audience have heard the material before, can quote it word-for-word, and can even use the same voice and inflection, they will still pay money to come and see the comedian say what they themselves could say in the exact same way they themselves could say it.

When you think about it, the concept really is a bit strange.  A bunch of people come together to sit in chairs and watch one person stand up on a stage, recite the same words in the same way that they have previously heard, and wait for the proper time to laugh at what they already know he is going to say before he ever says it.

Is it really funny every time or was it just funny the first time and then people laugh because they remember how funny it was the first time they heard it?  I know that if I hear the same material over and over and still find it funny, I seem to laugh just a little less each time until eventually it becomes more of a matter-of-fact “ha, that’s funny” response.  I’m never really sure what the proper response is when listening to the same material for the 20th or 30th time, even if I still think it’s hilarious.  I don’t want to force a laugh and seem fake, but I also want to seem semi-enthusiastic so that the people I am listening to it with know that I find it humorous.  That’s assuming that I am listening to it with others.

I am never quite sure how to respond when listening to something funny while alone, especially if it’s while I’m driving.  I will sometimes be listening to something funny in the car and catch myself cracking up – then I start to wonder if anyone else has happened to look over and see me and wondered if I had totally lost it.  Then I usually realize that I don’t care if they had because I like to laugh and maybe when they looked over and saw me laughing it made them laugh too.  After all, laughing is like yawning…when you see someone else doing it you can only hold out for so long before it overtakes you.  (Admit it, you either yawned or laughed just now after reading that sentence.)

Laugh loud.  Laugh often.  Laugh together.

That’s Exactly How I Would Have Described It

Best meteor description ever?  You decide:

“My friend and I witnessed a tremendous bright light, in the western sky. For a second the object lit the Cedar Valley sky like it was day. Then a brilliant streak of light followed. It was like a slow moving lighting, similar to an enormous magnesium flare. This lasted for several seconds. My friend Bryan and I were talking about it for about six minutes, when we heard a deep explosion that could be heard inside the car. We opened the door and could still hear the low frequency thud pulsating. We could feel the vibrations of the ground. Which was the cause of great concern for the safety of people. It looked like it struck the desert out by Dugway, but I am sure it was much further away because speed travels at 761 miles per hour at sea level. We didn’t have an exact time. But somewhere between 76 miles and 150 miles away. Probably hit Nevada. I hope no one was hurt that would be terrible.”

Stan, Cedar Valley

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