Code…Yellow?

I was recently at a nursing home, waiting for the nurse to check on something, and was looking for something to keep me busy while I waited.  So I began reading the signs on the wall.  Mostly normal stuff…until I got to the list of codes that they use in case of emergency.

Most of the codes were normal…Code Red is what they announce in case of a fire…stuff like that.  Then I came across one that I had never seen before.  This particular nursing home apparently feels the need to announce “Code Yellow” in the event of…NUCLEAR ATTACK!

Maybe it’s just me, but does that not seem like the most useless code ever?  Especially considering where it was posted.  No offense to the octogenarians out there, but I’m pretty sure that if there is ever a nuclear attack, someone yelling “Code Yellow” over the P.A. system is not going to make them move any quicker or survive any longer.

The other problem I see with this is the color of the code.  It seems to be that if there is ever a nuclear attack, the more appropriate code would be Code Brown (for obvious reasons)…or perhaps, “Code Oh Sh** It’s A Nuclear Attack!”

What really amazes me is that they actually have a code for a nuclear attack at a nursing home.  Is this something they practice and prepare for often?  What is standard procedure for protecting oneself during a nuclear attack?  Do they issue each resident a gas mask and some sort of body armor?  Or do they just tell them to hunker down and hope for the best?  I’m guessing it’s not stop, drop, and roll – although that could make for quite the entertaining final few minutes.

Seriously though, is there a more useless code than a code for nuclear attack?  And at that point, do you really need to announce that you have been attacked nuclearly in code form?  For that matter, why do people feel the need to announce most things in code?  Fires, floods, spills, lost kids…are these things that really need to be kept secret?  How cool would it be to have all the codes memorized at every place you go, just so that when you hear a code announced over the P.A. system, you could just shout out what that code means so that everyone can know what’s going on?

What other weird codes have you heard?  Are there any situations that you think could benefit from being coded that don’t already have a code?

A Few Random Thoughts

Is there anything harder to sauce at Taco Bell than a Crunchwrap Supreme?  It’s nearly impossible to peel a well-made Crunchwrap Supreme apart, spread the sauce evenly inside, and then wrap it back up in a way that will keep it from falling apart as you eat it.

I think I might start carrying everything around on my shoulder.  Big or small…light or heavy…it just looks more impressive when you see someone carrying something on their shoulder.  Or it looks like they are carrying a boom box.  Either way…impressive.

Who determines what is an acceptable way to shorten a name (Timothy = Tim, Matthew = Matt, etc.)?  How in the world did Peggy ever become the shortened form of Margaret?  I’ve know several people named Peggy (mostly women) and have always wondered, but never asked.  I can see Marge or even Maggie, but Peggy?  Really?

I wish AT&T would spend more money on improving their network, customer service, or basically any other part of their company rather than waste money by sending me offers for a free crappy phone if I activate a new account.  I’ve been with them for close to ten years.  Maybe they should try sending me special offers out of appreciation for all the money I’ve already paid them and for sticking with them even though the network and service are significantly less than fantastic.

Juicy Fruit gum is now yellow.  I had no idea.  I just opened a piece of Juicy Fruit the other day for the first time in several years and it blew me away!  When did this happen?  I don’t know that it made it taste any better or last any longer, but it sure made for a much more attractive chewing stick.  Definitely an improvement over the bland, tan, cardboard looking stick of yore.

A Battery Ribbon Epiphinization

I think I had an epiphany yesterday.  If an epiphany is the sudden realization that up until this point, I have been completely clueless as to how something works, then yeah, I totally epiphanized.

You know those little ribbons that they sometimes put in the battery compartments of electronics and such?  They are apparently so complicated that it took me 29 years to realize that they aren’t some annoying, worthless little piece of fabric that was put there to attempt to do a job that is impossible for them to do.

Up until yesterday afternoon, I thought that you were supposed to put that ribbon over top of the batteries, in hopes that it would keep them from falling out of the compartment.  It never seemed like it would be too effective, but I thought maybe it was put there to give those people who worry about their batteries falling out a false sense of security.  Most of the time the ribbon just lays right over top of the batteries and the end will slide down into the space beside the batteries, giving the illusion that the batteries are safe, secure, and going nowhere.  On some occasions, however, no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get the ribbon to lay flat across the batteries and would just have to stuff it in the best I could.

Then yesterday happens.  I had just put four AA batteries in a device and was needing to take them back out.  I was mumbling something to myself about how pointless the ribbon in the battery compartment was  since it was already nearly impossible to take the batteries out.  Then it hit me.  If I stick the ribbon underneath the batteries, I can just pull up on the end of the ribbon and all four batteries will lift right out.

I decided to share my epiphinization with some coworkers, thinking that maybe they would like to know the secret ribbon trick I had just figured out.  Apparently it’s common knowledge.  Unless you are me, which I’m guessing you’re not.  So the highlight of my day yesterday involved the changing of my opinion of a 2 inch long ribbon.  It went from being pointless and annoying to handy and wishing that it was included in every battery powered device.

It’s an exciting life I lead.

The Mystery Of The Bellybutton

I’m sure you’ve heard it asked a thousand times before – especially if you’ve ever been in or around a youth group at church.  It’s one of the great mysteries in life…one of those questions that we may never have a definite answer to until we meet our Creator.  But if you know the answer, please let me know.  The question I’m referring to is this…

“DID ADAM AND EVE HAVE BELLYBUTTONS?”

I just blew your mind, didn’t I?  It’s something that I’ve always wondered and now you can always wonder too.  I’ve never found a definite answer either way, but here is what I do know:

1.  Adam and Eve were created by God as fully formed humans.
2.  Bellybuttons come from the umbilical cord being cut.

Here is what I would like to know:

1.  Since they were created by God instead of being born, did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
2.  If Adam and Eve did, in fact, have bellybuttons…
A.  What purpose did they serve?
B.  What caused them?  Did they bungee down from God by their umbilical cord, which was then cut by God?  Or was it where God poked them to see if they were done?
3.  If Adam and Eve had bellybuttons, does that mean that God has a bellybutton since man was made in His likeness?
4.  Did God just give us bellybuttons so that we would wonder what the point of them is and ask all kinds of weird questions about our bellybuttons?
5.  Do you feel like you just wasted a couple minutes of your life that you can never get back?

Are there any other questions that you’d like to ask God about bellybuttons?  Do you have any (or all) of the answers already?

One Crazy Weekend

Well, that was interesting. Here’s a recap of our moving experience for anyone who cares…

It took a little longer than we thought, but we finally got all our stuff from Loveland, CO to Lebanon, MO. All except for my family that is. Daphne and Jadon will be staying out there for another week, so that they can spend some time with Daphne’s parents and have a mini-vacation before they come home. As for all of our material possessions, those are all here in Lebanon. Finally.

The move started out smoothly enough. I headed out from Loveland on Thursday around 7:30 a.m. Mountain time and got to Lebanon around 1:30 a.m. Central time. Needless to say, I took my time and enjoyed the trip. Everything went smoothly, I got to stop and see my mom along the way, and really had a pretty enjoyable trip.

On Friday morning, my dad, Heather, and I got up and left to head right back out to Loveland to pack up our stuff and bring it back to Lebanon. We didn’t quite make it all the way to Loveland in one day, so we ended up sleeping in Limon, CO on Friday night. It was a fairly uneventful day other than a couple of unexpected pit stops – one of which may or may not have resulted in me knocking on the door of some random person’s farmhouse somewhere in the middle of Kansas. They didn’t answer. Miraculously, we were able to make it back to a rest stop we had passed a couple miles back without me needing a change of shorts.

Saturday was definitely our most productive day. We got up Saturday morning, made the two hour trip from Limon to Loveland, loaded up all our stuff in the U-Haul, and headed back. We ended up driving from Loveland to Salina, KS before stopping to sleep. This would be the part where we started having some issues. By issues, I mean there was no working A/C in the U-Haul for most of the day. It worked off and on when we left Loveland, but completely gave out somewhere in eastern Colorado. That’s fine though, it’s not like it was in the mid to high 90’s most of the day. What’s that? It was in the mid to high 90’s? Oh yeah…it was. But who’s counting?

When we got up Sunday morning, we were looking forward to finishing up and being home. We had great intentions. We were going to drive the rest of the way home, unload everything into a storage unit, and be done with it. So we headed out and were making great time…or at least as well as could be expected. The A/C still didn’t work and it was hot again, but dad and Heather were troopers and had a great attitude about it. So, we are motoring along, going good…until we got near Sedalia, MO.

About 15 miles before Sedalia, the U-Haul truck decided it didn’t want to run anymore. The belt on the A/C doohickey snapped. At least I think it was the doohickey…it may have be the A/C thingamajig. Whatever it was, the fact that it broke meant that we couldn’t go any farther. So we pulled off onto the 8 foot wide shoulder of I-70 and called the U-Haul roadside assistance people. Then we waited. Then a mechanic showed up and told us that there was nothing he could do and that the truck was going to have to be towed. So he called a tow truck for us. Then we waited. Then the big, huge, awesome tow truck came and hauled our gimpy U-Haul truck away. I kid you not – that tow truck was the size of a fire truck and moved nearly too fast for the Camry to keep up. Very impressive.

After the big, awesome tow truck did it’s thing, we drove back to Lebanon and waited in eager anticipation for a call from the shop informing us that we could come retrieve it. Okay, so maybe we weren’t waiting too eagerly, considering the fact that the truck being done meant that we had to unload it, but we did wait. A couple days later, the call came and we went to pick up the truck the next day. We walked into the shop, told them we were there for the U-Haul, and were told that the keys were in it and it was ready to go. Really, that’s all it took. No showing idea or any sort of proof that the truck was ours. They must have gone through it and realized that there wasn’t much in there worth stealing and that if we were there to claim it, it must really be ours. Or we’re just back in Missouri where people tend to trust each other. It’s good to be home.

So we picked up the truck, took it back to Lebanon and unload all our junk into a storage unit where it resides to this day. Now I’m halfway hoping that a tornado comes along and blows it all away so that we never have to move it all again. A person can dream, right?

*Here’s a picture of the broke down U-Haul. This seems safe, right? It stayed there for two hours until the tow truck dragged it away*

Well, That Didn’t Take Long

You may have heard that a couple months ago Daphne,  Jadon, and I decided to move from Joplin, MO to Loveland, CO.  There was a lot that went into that decision and we felt at the time like it was what we were supposed to do.  If nothing else, we thought, it will give us an opportunity to get out of our comfort zone and experience life in a different place for a while.  So we packed up everything and moved to Colorado.

Over the last couple months, we’ve had a lot of good experiences.  Going up into the mountains, watching wild elk walk around the yard, seeing prairie dogs every time we drive past the field down the road, and experiencing life in a different place and a much different culture than we are used to.  For all the good things that Colorado has to offer, and there are plenty of good things, we just don’t feel like this is a place where we fit.  At this point, it’s not a place we can ever imagine feeling like home.  That’s not to bash Colorado or say that it’s not a good place to live.  It’s just not a good place for us.  I could go into all the details and reasons and blah, blah, blah, but I don’t want to bore you or turn this into a Colorado bashing session.  The best way I can think to put it is that, for us, Colorado is a great place to vacation, but not a good place to live.

So we’re moving again.  This time to Lebanon, MO.  Daphne and I both used to live there, we’ve always liked it, and I have family there.  Plus, it’s where I found a job.  I’ll basically be doing the same thing I was doing in Joplin, but for a different company.  I realize that it doesn’t sound nearly as glamorous to say that we are moving to Lebanon, MO as it does to say that we are moving to Loveland, CO, but we think that this will be a much better situation for our family.

I will be driving back to Lebanon all day today (Thursday) with a carload of stuff, then will turn around and leave Friday afternoon to head back to Loveland with my dad and step-mom.  We will be loading up all our stuff in a U-Haul truck on Saturday and then heading back to Lebanon either on Saturday after we get it all loaded or on Sunday morning.  Daphne and Jadon, however, will be staying a couple extra weeks so that Daphne can finish out her time at her job and then have a week to just hang out with her parents before heading back.  They will fly into KC on the 4th of September and I will pick them up from the airport once they arrive.

I’ve always enjoyed taking long drives, so I am actually looking forward to all the driving.  I realize that making a 13-14 hour drive 3 times in 4 days isn’t most people’s idea of fun, but if nothing else it should be interesting.

It’s almost 1 a.m., which means I am leaving in (hopefully) 6 hours or so (as long as I actually wake up when I want to) and I haven’t decided which way I will be going.  I can either drive to Joplin, then up I-44 to Lebanon, or go through KC and take some other roads.  I think going through KC may actually be a bit quicker, but at this point I’m leaning more toward the Joplin route.  I figure that since I know it better and know more people along the way, that would be a better way to go.  I’m pretty sure that I can make it all the way to Lebanon, but if you live along that route and I get too tired of driving tomorrow, you may be getting a call.

So there you have it.  It didn’t take us long to figure out that Colorado isn’t the place for us.  We really don’t see it as giving up, but as knowing when to walk away from something that’s not going to work.  There’s no reason to force something that’s not there and we might as well get out before we get stuck and don’t have a choice.  We don’t regret anything that we’ve done, but we are pumped to get back home.  I think one of the hardest parts of the move back is that we are going to be so close to all our friends and family in Joplin, but knowing that it’s just far enough away (about 2 hours) that we won’t get to see you all nearly as much as we’d like.  We will definitely head down that way to visit though.

So there you have it.  We’re on the move again.  We’re starting to feel like gypsies, but this should be the last move for a while.  At least now you know that if you are ever in or passing through Lebanon, you’ll always have a reason to stop, friends to visit, and a place to stay.  Hope to see you soon!

100th Post Extravaganza!

Being that this is my 100th post, I wanted to do something super special.  Instead, I am going to make a Top 100 list.

So here you go – a list of my Top 100 favorite whole numbers between 1 & 100.  But since I don’t feel like ranking them in order of favorite to least favorite, I will just rank them from largest to smallest.  Drumroll please…

1.  100
2.  99
3.  98
4.  97
5.  96
6.  95
7.  94
8.  93
9.  92
10.  91
11.  90
12.  89
13.  88
14.  87
15.  86
16.  85
17.  84
18.  83
19.  82
20.  81
21.  80
22.  79
23.  78
24.  77
25.  76
26.  75
27.  74
28.  73
29.  72
30.  71
31.  70
32.  69
33.  68
34.  67
35.  66
36.  65
37.  64
38.  63
39.  62
40.  61
41.  60
42.  59
43.  58
44.  57
45.  56
46.  55
47.  54
48.  53
49.  52
50.  51
51.  50
52.  49
53.  48
54.  47
55.  46
56.  45
57.  44
58.  43
59.  42
60.  41
61.  40
62.  39
63.  38
64.  37
65.  36
66.  35
67.  34
68.  33
69.  32
70.  31
71.  30
72.  29
73.  28
74.  27
75.  26
76.  25
77.  24
78.  23
79.  22
80.  21
81.  20
82.  19
83.  18
84.  17
85.  16
86.  15
87.  14
88.  13
89.  12
90.  11
91.  10
92.  9
93.  8
94.  7
95.  6
96.  5
97.  4
98.  3
99.  2
100.  1

It’s An Acquired Taste

“Oh, you don’t like it?  That’s okay – it’s an acquired taste.”

Statements like this one have always made me wonder – if something is an “acquired taste,” why would I want to acquire a taste for something I don’t like?

I’ve never heard anyone say that something is an acquired taste after hearing that someone really liked the taste of something.  It’s always said after someone has tried something that they didn’t care for.  For the life of me, I can’t figure out why anyone would keep eating or drinking something that they don’t like in hopes that maybe someday they will start liking it.

It seems like most of the time this is said about things like coffee, beer, and certain foods.  Maybe they just want to be cool and like these things because it’s trendy and what all the cool kids like.  Let’s face it – if you don’t like coffee or beer these days, there’s no way you’re sitting at the cool table.

I don’t mean to pick on coffee and beer drinkers, those were just the first couple things that came to mind.  If you really like that stuff, more power to you.  I just couldn’t think of any other specific examples off the top of my head.  Are there any other foods or drinks that you can think of that a person would have to acquire a taste for?

One Magic Towel

I could have bought the whole solar system, but decided to buy just one planet.  This product has all kinds of potential jokes just oozing from it, but I’ll defer to semi-maturity on this one.  Just another quality product from the local Dollar Tree.  As amazing as this thing is, I still think it would have been better if it actually grew into the planet Uranus when you place it in warm water.  Who wouldn’t like to have their own personal planet right there in their house?

Bike Lane? What Bike Lane?

Photo taken from my teal pickup of bicyclists riding their bikes in the auto lane instead of the designated bike lane

It seems like there are cyclists everywhere you go around here.  So many, in fact, that there are bike lanes on nearly every road.  The only problem with that is the fact that a lot of the cyclists don’t care to use their lanes.  So if the cyclists are going to use the car lanes instead of the bike lanes, does that mean the cars can use the bike lanes instead of the car lanes?