Dangerous Toys (Part 2)

Ready for more dangerous toys?  Most of these seem like innocent fun, but as we saw before, they are sneaky dangerous.  Here are a few more…

KITES

The picture above shows just one of the dangers of this seemingly innocent toy.  Obviously, you want to keep kites away from power lines and refrain from flying them in lightning storms (thank you Ben Franklin!), but those are just the most obvious dangers.  I have never actually heard of this happening, but what I am most paranoid about is the kite string getting wrapped around someone’s neck and choking or decapitating them.  Throw in the chance of being hoisted up into the air by a strong gust of wind and the kite nosediving into your eye and this is one toy that has the potential to destroy many lives.

SIT ‘N SPIN

While I’m sure we can all agree that it’s hilarious to get people all dizzied up and watch them stumble about, it seems as though this toy should include at least a helmet and at most full-body armor.  This seems like it would be better suited as a party game for adults than a toy for small children.  Kids dizzily stumbling around is bad enough, but that is only dangerous for those who are lucky enough to hold on until the spinner stops spinning.  If your child has sweaty palms or a weak grip I would suggest not letting him anywhere near this toy unless you want to look up and see your child flying helplessly across the room.

SLIP ‘N SLIDE

Hey, I know!  Let’s get a long piece of plastic, set it on a downward slope, slick it up, give kids a running start at it, and put a small puddle at the end of the slide to catch them.  That sounds like a fantastic idea!  I cannot possibly imagine this ever turning out poorly.  In fact, the steeper the hill you let them slide down, the better!  That three inch deep puddle of water at the end will gently stop anybody flying down the slide.  Yeah…

PAPER FOOTBALL

The majority of this game is quite harmless.  The only danger in sliding a triangular piece of paper back and forth across the table is the freakishly rare papercut.  Really though, that’s just bad luck more than it is dangerous.  I enjoy a good game of paper football as much as the next guy (if the next guy LOVES paper football!), but there is one part of the game that just seems moronic.  That part would, of course, be kicking field goals and extra points.  In this part of the game, you basically have two options.  The first option is to place your finger uprights directly in front of you, so that you can use your body to block the football and keep it from getting away.  The problem with this is fairly obvious – if your opponent successfully converts the kick, you are almost guaranteed to get hit in the face or neck and possibly lose an eye or nostril.  The second option is to place the finger uprights off to the side of your body.  The biggest problem with this is that if there is someone sitting behind you, you can bet that football is going to either land in their food/drinks or it’s going to hit them in the head and cause them to want to beat the tar out of you.  Pick your poison.

POGS

So I realize that these were only popular for a few months sometime in the early/mid 1990’s, but I was really into them at the time.  I actually still have mine if you are ever in the neighborhood and pining to pog it up.  On the surface the game seems harmless enough.  That is until you consider that the game consists of stacking up little pieces of cardboard and giving kids a solid metal disc to throw onto/at the stack of cardboard in order to flip over as many pogs as possible.  I’m sure that no adolescent boy would ever realize just how perfectly that solid metal disc fits in his fingers, giving him the perfect projectile to throw as hard and fast as possible.

That’s all the dangerous toys for now, but stay tuned for more in the near future.  In the meantime, try not to fall victim to the sneaky danger of any of the toys listed here or here.

Dangerous Toys (Part 1)

Have you ever noticed how dangerous some of the toys we grew up playing with really are?  Sure, there are some that are gentle, plush, and cuddly, but for every one of those there seems to also be one that is sneaky dangerous.  By “sneaky dangerous” I mean that at first glance the toy seems safe and harmless, but if you look close and give it any thought at all, you realize that it’s just an accident waiting to happen.  What toys qualify as “sneaky dangerous”?  I’m glad you asked!

ETCH-A-SKETCH

I’ve said it before, but felt it was worth mentioning again.  As uncoordinated as most children are, who thought this would be a good idea?  First you make them feel bad because they can’t draw anything other than snakes, worms, and the letter ‘L’.  Then you make them shake the Etch-A-Sketch violently in order to erase what they just created and so proudly showed off to everyone who would look.  If I had to guess, I would say that this toy is responsible for more self-inflicted black eyes, busted teeth and lips, and bloody noses than nearly any other drawing toy out there.  For a safer alternative, stick with the MagnaDoodle.

JACKS

I’m not sure who came up with this game, but something about it just doesn’t seem safe.  “Sure kids, bounce that little rubber ball and see how many of these little spiky metal things you can pick up before the ball lands.”  I’m convinced that whoever came up with this idea was just trying to find something that would keep their kids occupied.  It just seems like one of those homemade games where you grab a couple random objects that you have laying around the house and see what kind of a game you can come up with.

MARBLES

Another one of those games, like Jacks, that was likely invented by a parent somewhere that just wanted some peace and quiet.  How else do you explain giving young kids a bunch of nostril sized pieces of glass?  Not to mention the fact that a lot of kids are not coordinated enough to balance an oversize marble on their index finger and flick it with their thumb without it flying across the room and either breaking something or cracking someone in the skull.

YO-YO

One thing that the yo-yo has going for it that Jacks and Marbles don’t is that it’s on a string and is less likely to end up as a dangerous projectile – until the string unrolls and the little boy playing with it realizes that the faster he swings it around, the farther and faster it will fly.  Not that I would have ever done anything like that.

PADDLE BALL

Another stringed toy – this one is guaranteed to put out the eye of either the person playing with it or any person who comes within a three foot radius.  Who this toy is most dangerous for depends on whether the paddler is using the overhand or underhand technique.  Of course if the paddler is like me, he will eventually get frustrated with the fact that he can’t keep it going and just rip the ball off the paddle and see how high he can hit it.  Or the string gets tangled up four minutes into it, rendering the toy useless.

Stay tuned – more dangerous toys still to come…

Strange Toys

Just a few pictures of some strange toys I’ve seen lately…

Does anything about this toy seem strange?  Perhaps the fact that Goliath is one of the characters in a series labeled “Almighty Heroes”?  I guess the way that I’ve always heard and read the story was wrong.  Apparently Goliath was the hero of the story.  Maybe the strangest part of this is that David is not included in this line of toys.  Among those who did make the cut along with Goliath…the lions that didn’t eat Daniel, Samson, and the “whale” that swallowed Jonah.  Yup, that makes perfect sense.

If you haven’t had any awkward conversations with your children lately, I would suggest picking up this fine piece from your local Target store.  As if the horse feeding isn’t strange enough, then they went and put the dog in there for some reason.  It’s like when you are stuck in a small area and realize that someone is breastfeeding just a few feet away.  Suddenly you look for anything else to focus on and when you finally find something, there is nothing that will break your focus.  Those interactive Dinosaur Train toys across the aisle just became the most amazing thing that dog has ever seen.

I present to you the Football Kicker Licker.  This toy from the Dollar Tree isn’t all that strange.  The name, however, could use some work.  I’m thinking they assigned the naming of this one to the new guy who was just happy to come up with a catchy, rhyming name.  Someone didn’t really think this one through.

These are some of the weird toys that I have come across lately.  I’m sure that with Christmas right around the corner, there will be plenty more to choose from.

What am I missing?  What toys have you seen that are strangely named or just plain weird?

Maple Leaf Parade (2010 Edition)

A couple weekends ago we went to the annual Maple Leaf Parade in Carthage, MO.  It’s a fairly big deal in our neck of the woods and we have gone every year for as long as I can remember.  The parade is always good, but at this point it’s just as much about the tradition and getting to see family and friends as it is about the parade.  The parade was good again this year, but I decided to focus more on the oddities this time around.  Here is my 2010 Maple Leaf Parade experience:

The horses typically come last, for obvious reasons, but this time someone decided it would be a good idea to have them lead things off this year.  If the reason for having them go last isn’t obvious to you…it’s so the rest of the people in the parade don’t have to worry about getting equine excrement on their shoes.   Now on to some fantastic photos…

(Click On Photos For Larger Image)

I’m not quite sure what a Schweich is, but for some reason my son Jadon really likes it.  I think Schweich is a politician of some sort because there were several politicians passing out advertisements and stickers.  Why is it that politicians feel the need to pass out their stickers to kids.  If you you really want me to make the effort to get out and vote for you, it is going to take a whole lot more than just a lame sticker.  For what it’s worth though, if that sticker is durable enough to last fourteen years or so, I’m sure you’ll have his vote.

I realize that the cymbals are necessary for a band, but how horrible would it be to be the guy in front of the cymbal guy?  Stick the cymbal smasher behind someone who is even the least bit jumpy and it could be disastrous…or really entertaining.

I especially liked this year’s parade because I became a millionaire.  Or at least I thought I became a millionaire. ?  I was up to four million dollars before I realized that I had something on my hands that was worth so much more than a lousy million dollars.  I had the key to salvation.  How could I have gone nearly thirty years without realizing how much Harry Truman cared about my soul?  When it comes down to it, would you rather have four million lousy dollars (and hundreds more bills ready to be picked up off the street) or have your soul be saved many times over?  Choose wisely my friend…choose wisely.

This was the float from one of the churches in Carthage.  You’ve gotta love it when churches and patriotism collide.  March on, ye soldiers who may possibly be Christians.

This is one sweet boom box…although I’m not sure it’s one I’d want to carry on my shoulder.

I’m sure the intentions are good, but does this not seem just a tad creepy?  Something about bright red wings coming out of a skull and calling yourselves “Keepers Of the Children” just seems a little strange.  It’s a bit disconcerting that they fail to clarify just which children they are keeping and how they came to be in possession of said children.  Again, they may be good, well-intentioned people that are truly caring for children, but maybe they should rethink their name and logo.

I just had to include this picture because it’s always one of my favorite parts of the parade.  It’s a car that rides down the street doing a wheelie…of course it’s awesome.

Now this is a horse I would be willing to ride.  I’ve always said that if my feet don’t touch the ground while I am sitting on the horse, the horse is too tall.  Actually, I think I said that for the first time when I saw these horses at the parade.  So I guess I’ve only been saying it for a couple weeks.  But if I was a two week old child, I could legitimately say that I’ve always said that.  But I’m not.  So I can’t.  These horses are awesome.

If you are ever in southwest Missouri on the third Saturday in October, be sure to stop by Carthage and take in the Maple Leaf Parade.  Who knows, you may walk away with a million dollars, eternal life, or a sweet sticker from someone who wants your vote.  What more could a person want?

A Smashing Time

Why is it that some people seem to go out of their way to run over objects in the road that have obviously been accidentally dropped by someone else?  Just the other day I saw several pieces of Tupperware in the road that someone had dropped.  Most of the people went around or straddled it with their car.  Most, not all.  There were a couple of cars who decided that it would be a good idea to flatten it.  Is it bad that when I see someone about to intentionally run over something, I start hoping that what they are about to run over is really just cleverly designed spike strips designed to catch those heartless fools?

Elevators Amaze Me

Elevator Buttons

How do the up and down elevators never run into each other in the elevator shaft?  You would think that at some point, someone on a bottom floor would push the button for the up elevator at the same time someone on a top floor would push the button for the down elevator.  Either all the elevator riders have gotten very lucky or elevators are marvelous machines.  An up elevator and a down elevator in the same shaft with no recorded collisions?  Incredible.

 

Brown Paper Bags

brown-paper-bag

Are the brown paper bags really fooling anybody anymore?  I think at this point, if you see someone walking down the street drinking from a small paper sack, it’s fairly obvious what’s in the bag.  In fact, it would probably be more inconspicuous to carry it without the sack.

Your Very Own Billboard

If your picture was on a billboard, would you look at it every time you drive past?  Or would you look away every time you drive past?  What is the proper amount of time to look at yourself on a billboard?  What does it say about you if you stare at yourself on a billboard for more than five seconds?  Or is the amount of acceptable viewing time based on a sliding scale?  Maybe as long as the time you spend looking at it gets shorter each time, you are okay.  Or maybe you should just keep your eyes on the road the next time you are on a billboard.

Bad + Bad + Bad = Good?

Lately it seems like I am constantly hearing of someone going through a difficult time.  For whatever reason, painful times come in bunches.  Whether it be physical, emotional, or financial pain or stressful situations, it seems like it’s never just one thing.  Most of the time when I hear of many people going through tough times at once, I start to wonder why there is so much pain and suffering, especially among Christians.

I’m sure that at some point, nearly everyone has asked why bad things happen to good people.  Maybe that’s the wrong question.  Instead of wondering why so many people are suffering at a given time, perhaps we should look at all the negative situations as a positive thing.

As weird as this equation seems: Negative + Negative + Negative + Negative + Negative = Positive… maybe it’s exactly right.  It may seem strange by our own standards, but in God’s economy it makes perfect sense.  The last shall be first; if you want to be great, you must be a servant; you have to die to live…hurt, pain, and suffering brings hope, healing, and growth.  Instead of getting depressed when we see and hear of all the people who are hurting, we should focus on the good that can come from it.

Maybe the reason that we see so many people around us suffering at the same time is so that they don’t have to go through it alone.  When a person suffers alone, it is overwhelming, discouraging, and can make them want to give up; when several people suffer together, there is amazing potential for healing and hope.  I suppose that’s why community is so important.  When you do life with other people and know that you are going to be there for each other in times of need, it makes going through hurt and pain more bearable.  Not easy, but bearable.

So please, if you are hurting and you know someone else that is hurting, don’t go through it alone.  Even if what each of you are going through is different, there is comfort in knowing that you are not alone in what you are feeling.  The circumstances may be different, but the emotions are the same.  Reach out to them and let them know that they are not alone.  Be sad together.  Be hurt together.  Be angry together.  Be broken together.  Most importantly…be together.

On the album “Hope Rising” by Fee, there are two songs that especially relevant for someone going through a tough situation – the first is called “Everything Falls” and the second is “Arms That Hold The Universe”.  I’ve been listening to this album a lot lately and felt like these two songs would be good to share with my friends and family who are hurting right now.

Drying Your Hands Should Not Be This Difficult

For some reason, a roll of paper towels on a horizontal rack is one of the most frustrating things that I repeatedly encounter in the bathroom.  Is there anything more frustrating that standing there with soaking wet hands, pawing and clawing at a cheap roll of thin paper towels?  It’s hard enough to find the loose end of a half-used roll, but the most frustrating has to be realizing halfway through the search that it’s a new roll.  Not only do you have to find the end, but then you have to attempt to pry the little flap free from the roll without ripping the towel to shreds in the process.

As frustrating as trying to free the towel is, the biggest challenge for me is to try to get the towel off without leaving little soggy fingerprints all over the roll.  If the fingerprints stayed only on the top towel it wouldn’t be so bad, but they inevitably soak through and contaminate at least 3.2 paper towels.  Then I feel obligated to rip off all the towels with the soggyprints so that the person using the roll after me doesn’t get grossed out or think I’m some kind of a weird, super soggy handed individual.  The problem with taking all the soggyprinted towels is that by the time I finally get them off the roll, I don’t really need them anymore because the water that didn’t drip off my hands onto the roll has already finished air drying.

So basically, every time I use a horizontal roll of paper towels, I just waste 2-4 paper towels per visit.  Although, when you add in the times that I try to do the quick, one-handed towel rip that inevitably ends up just spinning the roll round and round until I manage to get it stopped.  Rather than try to roll it back up and attempt to make it look normal, I normally just rip them all off, wad them up into a little basketball, and try to make a basket with it.  Or throw a touchdown pass to the trash can.  Or throw a guy out at home plate.  It really just depends on what season it is.  That’s completely normal, right?  Oh, it’s not?  Yeah, I was just kidding then.

Speaking of the random soggy fingerprints…is there a name for those?  If not, what should it be?  I think someone should come up with a name for them because “random soggy fingerprints” just seems way too long and cumbersome.  Come up with a name for them and I will send you a paper towel custom made with some of my random soggy fingerprints.  If that’s not enough to get you motivated…then you’re probably fairly normal.