Drying Your Hands Should Not Be This Difficult

For some reason, a roll of paper towels on a horizontal rack is one of the most frustrating things that I repeatedly encounter in the bathroom.  Is there anything more frustrating that standing there with soaking wet hands, pawing and clawing at a cheap roll of thin paper towels?  It’s hard enough to find the loose end of a half-used roll, but the most frustrating has to be realizing halfway through the search that it’s a new roll.  Not only do you have to find the end, but then you have to attempt to pry the little flap free from the roll without ripping the towel to shreds in the process.

As frustrating as trying to free the towel is, the biggest challenge for me is to try to get the towel off without leaving little soggy fingerprints all over the roll.  If the fingerprints stayed only on the top towel it wouldn’t be so bad, but they inevitably soak through and contaminate at least 3.2 paper towels.  Then I feel obligated to rip off all the towels with the soggyprints so that the person using the roll after me doesn’t get grossed out or think I’m some kind of a weird, super soggy handed individual.  The problem with taking all the soggyprinted towels is that by the time I finally get them off the roll, I don’t really need them anymore because the water that didn’t drip off my hands onto the roll has already finished air drying.

So basically, every time I use a horizontal roll of paper towels, I just waste 2-4 paper towels per visit.  Although, when you add in the times that I try to do the quick, one-handed towel rip that inevitably ends up just spinning the roll round and round until I manage to get it stopped.  Rather than try to roll it back up and attempt to make it look normal, I normally just rip them all off, wad them up into a little basketball, and try to make a basket with it.  Or throw a touchdown pass to the trash can.  Or throw a guy out at home plate.  It really just depends on what season it is.  That’s completely normal, right?  Oh, it’s not?  Yeah, I was just kidding then.

Speaking of the random soggy fingerprints…is there a name for those?  If not, what should it be?  I think someone should come up with a name for them because “random soggy fingerprints” just seems way too long and cumbersome.  Come up with a name for them and I will send you a paper towel custom made with some of my random soggy fingerprints.  If that’s not enough to get you motivated…then you’re probably fairly normal.

One thought on “Drying Your Hands Should Not Be This Difficult

  1. LOL! Tim, I laughed all the way through this! You just wrote in words what probably everyone thinks about or feels when they have to use those paper towels, although I think you might have gone into it just a little further than people have time to think:) You are so funny! I guess I’m just glad there are paper towels to use instead of those hand dryers that never get your hands dried. At least when you contaminate the towels, they’re not really contaminated are they, because you’ve washed your hands with soap…..haven’t you?:) Thanks for the laughs-I needed them.



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