Like Sleeping On A Cloud

Cloud Bed

Why do people compare a comfortable mattress to sleeping on a cloud? Maybe I’m strange, but I just don’t see the appeal in laying on something you will fall right through, eventually slamming into the earth at maximum velocity, shattering your bones and smashing your organs upon impact. No thank you – I’ll just stick to sleeping on a mattress.

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Slippery Soapy Slope

Have you ever noticed how ridiculous the names of some products are? I was in the soap aisle the other day and was amazed at the odd names of some of the soaps. I don’t know why I never noticed it before, but I’m beginning to think you can call your product anything you want as long as it has semi-attractive packaging and proper marketing.

Some of the names aren’t too bad – Ivory, for example, brings to mind an image of purity and spotlessness. Even Irish Spring is understandable – a spring seems like a nice, refreshing place to get clean…although I’m not sure why a spring located in Ireland is any more refreshing than a spring located anywhere else. Still, I appreciate the fact that if I ever venture across the pond to the land of leprechauns, I can anticipate what it will smell like and prepare accordingly.

On the other hand, some of the other soap names are just odd. For example:

Caress
This just seems completely inappropriate and a bit creepy. When you stop and think about it, it’s a bit surprising that this soap has never had charges filed against it for sexual harassment or something similar.

Dove
Is this a soap made specifically for ornithologists? Maybe it has a specially formulated scent that will not drive away birds, so that they can be more easily observed and studied. I assume it’s kind of like hunters pouring deer pee on themselves, but with prettier packaging and marketed almost exclusively to women.

Lava
I realize that this soap is meant for tougher jobs, but lava? Really? Has anyone ever had hands so dirty that the best solution is to lather ┬áthem up with the molten liquid from a volcanic explosion? I think I’d rather just have slightly dirty hands that have been Caressed.

Lever 2000
Umm…what? How did a person even come up with this name for a bar of soap? Were they attempting to use this particular bar of soap as a lever to catapult themselves into the 21st century? I’m not sure what else the 2000 could possibly mean outside of trying to sound futuristic, but if that’s the case, this bar of soap needs a updated name. Lever 2100? Or maybe Lever 3000 to sound even more futuristic?

The longer I looked, the stranger the names seemed. What other oddly named bodily cleansers have you seen?

Things I Think…I Think

I think Starbucks that are located inside a grocery store should be called “Storebucks.”
Get it? Because “Storebucks” sounds like “Starbucks” and it’s located in a grocery store. And “Grocery Bucks” is just confusing and awkward.

I think it’s funny that PBS is just “pubes” without the vowels.
I’m sure that one day this kind of stuff will stop being funny to me…but that day has yet to arrive. I guess it could also be “pabes” or “pobes” but neither of those make me chuckle.

I think sheep that live in places where it rains a lot should be extra strong.

Being a wet sheep is a workout – all the rain soaks into the wool makes the wool heavier, which forces the sheep to get stronger as they carry the rain soaked wool on their backs all day. Not to mention all the mud that they inevitably have to walk through. I imagine sheep in wet climates probably look like they are on steroids compared to regular wimpy sheep.

I think the term “Certified Pre-Owned Cars” is funny.

Why “certified” instead of just “pre-owned”? Are car dealers constantly having to prove to people that the cars they are selling have previously been owned? Are they being accused of selling people new cars at pre-owned prices? Is it happening often enough that they feel the need to have pre-owned cars certified so people won’t think they are getting too good a deal?

What do you think?


Capped Or Retractable?

Capped Or Retractable?

Why would you choose to carry around a capped pen rather than a retractable pen? The only possible reason I can think of is so you never have to worry about the pen accidentally being clicked and stabbing you in the leg…or somewhere worse. I’d say the odds of losing the pen cap are just as good as the accidental leg stab. At least if a retractable pen gets clicked, it can always be clicked back; the only way to lose the retractability is to take the pen apart and remove the spring. If you lose a pen cap the pen is going to dry out and become unusable, but only after covering everything near it in ink. I guess they both have their advantages, so it’s up to you to weigh those advantages and the disadvantages and make the choice that best suits your needs and danger tolerance.