Underwear. Everybody needs it. Everyone knows that everyone else needs it and wears it. Yet, for some reason, no man wants to go out and buy it. I’m sure we’ve all heard the old joke about men wearing their underwear until it falls apart…incredibly gross, yes, but also frighteningly true for many men. I have often wondered (as I’m sure you have too) why many men so dread buying new underwear…until recently when I had an epiphany. It’s not buying the underwear that is so embarrassing – it’s the process of shopping for and picking out new underwear that turns otherwise confident men sheepish and willing to wear crusty, raggedy undies rather than a pair of new, comfy underwear.
What’s so horrible about shopping for new underwear, you ask? It’s all in the packaging (no pun intended…or was it? I’ll let you decide)
It’s bad enough admitting that your underwear is on the brink of disintegration and then having to go to the store, carry a package with a half-naked guy on it through the store, hand your selection to a random stranger, and pay them for the experience. But some person along the way decided that the whole experience needed to be just a bit more demeaning.
It’s bad enough trying to decide which one is going to fit without ever being able to try them on, even though your entire body has probably changed shapes and proportions multiple times since the last time you suffered through this ritual. Then you are forced to stand there, staring at packages with male models on them, trying to imagine how the underwear they are wearing is going to look on you. I don’t care how the underwear I am about to buy looks on a model – have you seen me? I look nothing like that, so find a way to tell me how it’s going to fit me. Are pictures of half-naked dudes really supposed to get me to buy your product?
I can honestly say that I have never bought underwear based on the package. In fact, it often makes me want to swear off underwear altogether. Or invent a new kind of one-size-fits-all underwear that never wears out.
Heck, at this point, I’d settle for some generic packaging with a brief description. “Kinda stretchy, but not too stretchy – for someone with a slightly smaller to average size build whose weight fluctuates from day-to-day depending on what he’s eaten and the number of trips he’s made to the bathroom.” Sounds great! I’d buy those every time! But I guess they can’t please everybody. If they started packaging underwear the way I want, it would just make it difficult for all the male models buying their underwear at Walmart and Target. Guess I’ll just have to hope my most recent purchase doesn’t fall apart anytime soon.